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Reflections

Parenthood- Reflections

Finding Space to Think & Hear My Thoughts

I sit writing this blog perched on my bed with a cushion under my laptop & me sitting upright in a crossed-legged position in front of the cushion. Its 8:43 am and we have finished breakfast and baba is ready to have her morning playtime. Usually, it would be mama who plays with baba while dada goes to work. However, its Saturday and dada is home. I have decided to take 30-40 minutes of alone time in the bedroom to write. Just as I write the first 3 words of this blog I hear the excited breathing of my 9-month-old crawling towards the open bedroom door. A little scratch on the door to push it open and she appears with the biggest brightest smile. She found mama. It’s so hard to resist such a cutie, the love I feel for her is so strong it’s hard not to pick her up & go play with her. However, I have learned over the past 10 months that I must carve out a little time or space for me to think, read or write every day. This time however it failed as baba wanted her mama.

Our little girl is almost 10 months old; she is still very much attached to me. I am still nursing her and will continue until she is 12 months. Until then she will still be very attached to me. As a new mom, I have found the lack of personal time the hardest thing. The interrupted sleep I can deal with, it’s not having the opportunity to turn off or reset when I want to is the hardest. I run by baby schedule, which changes all the time & keeps me on my toes. The only thing I can do is accept this and know that I will get my quiet time back someday and to comprise a little until then.

Quiet time for me can be just 5 minutes being left alone. That can be 5 minutes in the bath, drinking my tea really slow, reading, sitting and doing nothing, staring into space & having the capacity to let thoughts pop up. These are the moments that I miss, however, I have been trying to intentionally fit small snippets into my day so I can breathe, take note of where I am, what I am doing, how I am feeling and basically being aware of that moment of time.

One thing that is guaranteed in my day is my daily walk. My walk is a ritual that I prefer to save for myself & my sleeping baba. I prefer to savour this time for me. I prefer not to meet people for a chat on my walk as I use it as a time to think, clear my head and just be aware of my mood, my body & my surroundings. It may seem unsocial & it is but I need it. Others may crave the opposite they need human connection & to chat to feel better, I’m not like that, quite the opposite, I like to be alone and think things through myself. It makes me come across as a little bit unsocial at times. To be clear I am a very social person but there is a time and a place for me. Being social with people I need to be in the right headspace, to get there I need space to decompress before meeting others.

Once evening comes and baba is in bed, I am wrecked physically & mentally. My ritual is to make a pot of camomile tea and have a treat. I savour this simple moment before moving forward with the evening. I like to sit in silence for at least 10minutes before chatting George. I usually have 2 hours in the evening before bed to unwind. My favourite ways to unwind are to read, play a board game or watch a funny tv show. For now, my evenings are spent inside as baba takes a while to really settle down to sleep, I’m the only person who can settle her right now.

Our baby is still very much dependent on me and because of that the freedom of doing what I want when I need it is not available. Lately, I have been dreaming about going to a yoga/mediation retreat in some warm place to rest & relax. Perhaps the reason for this is because I watched “Eat Pray Love” recently or its because I really need rest. I know this period of my baby’s development is short and she will sleep through the night and will need her father more in the very near future. For now, small snippets of peace & silence will do & I will try fit them in as many places as possible. Dreaming of future silent retreats in sunny destinations will also help. My aim moving forward is to keep my daily habits of walking by myself & meditating 15 minutes a day, to this I will add as many minutes as possible of quiet alone time to do nothing. Wish me Luck;-)

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Chat soon,

 

Theresa xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baby Time – Three Month Check In

Hi,

This is a three (ish) month check in on how everything is going with the baba, from a male perspective.

Do you ever get fed up of those parents who constantly talk about their children? Well, here I am, writing about parenthood. Whoops.

It’s amazing to watch a purple slimy gremlin develop into an actual baby and from there watch a personality develop. To date, I have probably been covered in 17 litres of slob, 21 litres of puke, and surprisingly I have only been shit on once, so I’m not doing too bad.

To go along with the puke and slobber there are the orders. The tiny baby shouts orders at me like a general drawing her troops to attention. She doesn’t cry very much, just shouts at me.

“AAAAHHH,” “AH,” and “AAAHHH,” translates into “Hey you,” “You there,” and probably something else not as polite. She only seems to shout at me, which is interesting, not her mother.

All of the above considered, what is the verdict?

Fun, probably the most fun I have ever had. I never expected that. I expected hard work, tiredness and irritability and a life of drudgery where we carted a portable human from one food station to the next. Instead, we got smiles, laughs, liquid of varying degrees of colour, consistency and smell and other forms of fun.

I realise we have it easier than a lot of parents so I do not want to sound aloof or as if we have gotten it so right. We haven’t, we have just gotten lucky and I am sure the shit will hit the fan sometime (hopefully not literally) and catch me completely unprepared to tell me, “You know not what you do and you are an arse for thinking you do.”

So, where am I going with this? Who knows, I suppose I would like to get the word out there to expectant parents, do not worry, what will happen will happen and it will be difficult or not so difficult, the child will puke or cry and you will be covered at different stages in many different liquids (or solids) but I believe you will be happy.

She is shouting at me as I write this, I am not sure which translation applies but I think it is the less polite one.

Anyway, you will succeed. You can only succeed, so try to enjoy it while you do.

If you enjoyed reading this, please share it or have a look at some of our other blogs.

Peace,

George