I was at a party once. I wasn’t drinking for whatever reason. Maybe I was training for a specific goal or maybe I was just trying to be healthier. The host, a good friend of mine, told me she didn’t have any boring drinks for boring people. On another occasion I told the same person that I was training for a 27km trail run (I finished last – ha ha, but who cares). It was early summer. Her response was – “Oh, your going to be boring this summer then.”
I am no longer friends with that person. Here’s why.
We all try to do the best for ourselves. In a world of instant gratification where anything we want is at our fingertips that can be difficult. Our willpower is easily depleted as our vices are in our faces at every corner. This is why we need support to succeed at anything. We need the support of good people. We need people to hold us up and keep us strong in our moments of weakness. Whether we are trying to lose weight, exercise more often, write a book, climb a mountain or meditate.
We don’t want to be dragged down by negative people. If you want to do something, then go and do it. If you want to succeed, then go and succeed. There will always be those who want to hold you back. Cut them out, you will NOT regret it. Put yourself first, look out for yourself. Toxic people will drain your life. Negativity is contagious, but so is positivity. Surround yourself with what you want to receive.
We have the power to change our own circumstances. We have the ability and strength to achieve whatever we want. We have the power to cut the ropes. Free yourself. People may stop liking you. That is when you know who your true friends are.
I have so many good friends that I don’t see as much as I want. How do I know that these people are such good friends? How do I know that they are dependable? They are there no matter what. Time passes and days turn to weeks and sometimes, regrettably, weeks turn to months and we haven’t spoken. But things haven’t changed. We are still strong. There is no accusation, no bitterness, only celebration to see each other again. These are the people I treasure.
The people you want around you are the people who make you stronger. Is this selfish? Maybe, but is it selfish in a negative way? No. If the people in your life are strong and positive and they support you then it works both ways. This can only be good.
The only ones you owe an obligation to are those who support you and those who carry you. You owe an obligation to those who congratulate you on your success, those who stand by you with strength when you need them, those who are there in your darkest hours.
When you are prioritizing your goals, there is no selfish. Your true friends will support you no matter what.
Your time is your most valuable commodity. Learn to say no. Who is worth your time? For me, as an immigrant I spend the majority or my time away from those closest to me (apart from my wife) so I am very aware of how valuable my time is.
It is not selfish to put yourself first – it is SELF-FULL.
A Course in Miracles tells us that “When you give to others so much that you are sacrificing yourself, you make the other person a thief.” You cannot look after others unless you look after yourself. You cannot achieve your goals unless you look after yourself.
Jim Carey says that “the effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.” It works both ways. By being selfish or self-full, by cutting the negative influences out of your life, you make space to focus on yourself and those who really matter to you like the friends and family who are there for you. These are the people you have a true obligation to. It is not imagined. These are the people who were there for you and those who you will be there for. The people who are still there even though the weeks or months may pass.
If you are not making someone else’s life better, then you are wasting your time. The only way to make someone else’s life better is to focus on YOU. Clear the space. What do you need to clear out to focus on what really matters?
I try to let go of the past grudges I carry. A grudge is like radiation. It hurts the one who carries it. Let the grudges go. Put them down and let them fade.
Keep your own cup full and focus on you. Work hard on yourself. Be full in yourself and you will have plenty to give to those who you have made space for.